• Mary Sue's back, and this time she's called Narissa! And what excellent fashion sense she has too.

    She had a brown jacket that came down to her thighs. Tight black pants on, with a matching vest, the white shirt underneath seemed to set a balance to whole outfit. Her lovely blonde hair was pulled back loosly.

    Her only reason to be in this strangely compressed story is to boink Bashir, which she accomplishes, of course. A side plot has Dax acting all slutty for no good reason except that it highlights the author's intense dislike of this character.

    Dax glanced over at Bashir. Damn it she thought why isn't he watching me? Looking around she noticed a few men staring at her, she smiled and snuggled up to Worf taunting the other men. Worf sat silent as a statue as he normally did allowing Dax to play mind games with the other men. It was as if she was saying, I'm taken, eat your hearts out. She glanced back at Bashir but he didn't even glance her way. She picked up her flirting and fondling of Worf and shot little glance in Bashir's direction every few seconds to see if he was looking. She needed to feel his gaze wanting her but his body never getting her.

    Choose Your Own Adventure by Kitty [NC17]

    Kitty's at it again, but this time around she's forsaken Bashir porn for the vile realm of real, live actor smut. If you play this repulsive little game right you get to have sex with the actor who plays Bashir, Alexander Siddig. If you don't see anything wrong with that you should seek psychiatric help immediately. I am appalled so deeply that I refuse to quote any of it.

    Kira's Surprise by Anonymous [NC17]

    The tone of this piece is set early on when Cardassian "Gull Docote" growls

    "So Kira Nareece, I told you we would meet again and you mocked me, you haughty, little, Bajorean fuckmuffin."

    and it goes downhill from there.

    Yes, this is yet another inept piece of DS9 porn in which our heroine gets the badly written, anatomically impossible ravishing the author feels she deserves. What the reader did to deserve this story is still a mystery.

    Trek Music Video #1 by Miss Izzy

    Q: What do you get when you cross that awful band from the early 90's, Ace of Base, and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine?
    A: SONG FIC! Horrible, horrible song fic!

    Yes, song fic is godawful by definition, but this sad example of the genre consists of almost nothing but the song. The author has only managed to contribute three lousy paragraphs of original fiction to the mix. Why did she even bother?

    Symphony by Jeane R. Noriega [NC17]

    A perfect example of Mary Sueism at its most nauseating.

    She was brilliant, witty, a musical prodigy, and beautiful beyond belief.

    [ ...] heartstoppingly beautiful. Her long, auburn curls shifted in the faint station light. Her eyes were a deep, dark blue. There was still a faint dusting of freckles across her rounded cheeks and nose. She was curvaceous and full figured without even appearing to be overweight.

    Oh yeah, and she went to Julliard. And she speaks six languages. And she's also empathic. And Sisko is her uncle. And Dax is her "Aunt". And she's Bashir's lost love from before his academy days. And please pass the bucket. The author begs in her disclaimer;

    For all those partaking of this, first PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!

    On behalf of all of us I'd like to say, "NO CHANCE!"

    Deep Sex Nine by Marc Farrimond [NC17]

    This story is just pathetic. It reads like a bad Penthouse letter, but without the formatting and editing that Penthouse no doubt performs free of charge. In fact, I'll wager fifty quatloos that this author has learned about sex completely from Men's Magazines and bad '70's porn movies. It will take a strong stomach to make it through to the end of this nightmare of a story so I'll save you the trouble. The big ending is: It's all happening in Kira's head. Yep, that's right, Kira secretly fantasizes about being abused, raped, and beaten by a Cardassian who is hung like a Vulcan stallion. Well of course she does Marc. After all, she's a woman isn't she? And we all know that that's how women need to be treated.

    Deep Space Nine by Jason Waters

    A poem that doesn't scan, written at an Elementary School level. 'Nuff said.

    Somber Is the Night by Steve Ortman

    Just what is DS9's appeal to shitty poets? Even after reading it twice I couldn't tell you what this one is about. Steve's own explanation:

    The author is supposedly Bajoran, which all of you Star Trek fans know what that is.

    Uh-huh. All righty then.