Love by Fire (Story Of Alges and Airami)
They say a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. My journey of a thousand tears began with this foreword:
Greetings Reader...Jeez! It has been nearly four months since I wrote a story. I can't believe it, I still have that little spark somewhere and it just caught fire as I will take you through another amazing story.
"Amazing", although a misleading adjective, proved to be exactly the right word. The first thing the hapless reader is confronted with is a vast and confusing cast of original characters. Then the English language is assaulted before our very eyes, forcefully and unnaturally twisted into some strange hybrid of script and prose. Tense is slaughtered, grammar is murdered, and spelling is tortured well beyond the limits of endurance. And then there's the dialogue.
LOBOMI: I don’t know why, but I love this type of weather.
KISASIAN: Well I don’t actually like it so much...although rain is the source of all life...somehow I despise it.
Have I mentioned the weird little mini-tale about two brothers bravely confronting a flaming, talking cactus?
Wanga on the other hand was not scared at all. He walked forward towards the cactus and asked "What do you want?" "I want to give you a gift" answered the burning cactus "come closer and you will receive it."
Wanga came closer and the cactus reached out with one of his limbs and touched Wanga’s cheek. Wanga screamed out in pain as he felt his flesh burning in the heat. As the cactus retracted its limb, the fire dissappeared. "Why did you do that!?" Wanga screamed out loud.
I had a tough time finishing this convoluted story, and I couldn't give you a plausible summary if you paid me, so I'll leave you with one more example of mortally wounded prose to giggle over.
Makina couldn’t take Ziwi’s torture anymore...he extended his claws and raked them through Mwana’s face. Luckely Mwana saw Makina coming and he only got a few scratches on his face. Now Mwana was real angry. He didn’t even say anything, he just attacked Makina. Mwana hurted Makina very badly, by scratching him everywhere.
Scar by Jenna
In this story, Scar, close to death, is afflicted by a rapid succession of confusing flashbacks. You, close to suicide, will find yourself wishing to inflict a rapid succession of blows to the person responsible for this non-linear nightmare of a story.
The author's attempt to paint Scar as a tragic, misunderstood figure who has been forced by fate into the role of Generic Disney Bad Guy™ is sabotaged by the puzzling plot and her laughable use of the English language. The dialogue formatting, or lack thereof, doesn't help either.
Mufasa went up to Saziah and told her that Sarabi had had sex with Scar and told Saziah stuff that Sarabi said about him. Of course, Sarabi had never done that. Scar found out when Saziah told him, "All that stuff Sarabi said about you wasn't true." "Huh?" "Well, Mufasa said that Sarabi said when ya'll had sex--" "What? Me and Sarabi? I never did that!!! You were my first! And I'm happy you were!!" "Oh, I believe you. You were my first too." "Don't tell anything to Mufasa."
After that unconvincing attempt to paint Mufasa as the villain, there's a case of mistaken identity that ends with Scar murdering his girlfriend.
A few days after that fathful night, Scar found Mufasa totally making out with Saziah. Scar waited to confront his girlfriend until the next morning. That night seemed long for Scar and he was about to burst with madness. The next day finally came. "You, were making out with my brother, Mufasa, last night!" "What?!? Scar, what are you talking about?" "I saw you. Don't even try and deny it." "I was at home last night!" "DON'T LIE TO ME!!!" Their argument got more serious and Scars temper exploded. He made Saziah back off a cliff and she fell off. She broke her neck on a rock and died almost instantly. Scar went home with a sort of sadness but dismissed it with the thought that she would never betray him again.
Scar's life goes downhill from there, although his basic goodness peeks through his otherwise evil behavior. Or it would, if the prose made any sense at all.
Oh that fate-full day. Scar wanted to murder Mufasa badly, but not necessarily Simba. He thought Simba was annoying, but not so much as to kill. It wasn't his fault who's family he was born into. But to keep his saying for wanting to be king true, he had to.
When he's all out of flashbacks, Scar chooses to be torn apart by hyenas rather than live on in shame, thus proving once and for all his noble and upstanding character. I prefer to believe that he submitted to the hyenas rather than be subject to any more humiliation at this story's hands.