Matrix

• Look at that title, reproduced here in all its glory exactly as the author originally typed it. Surely any fool can see that this story is going to be Godawful just by that alone, right? I mean, I shouldn't have to actually read through what is so obviously going to be an incoherent ramble of a tale just so that I can provide a witty little encapsulation of the plot for you ungrateful bastards, right? Right?

  Oh, all right.

  My eyes went across the screen tiredly. "nothing nothing and more nothing" I said to myself

  At least the narrator and I are in complete agreement even at this early stage. Sing it, sister! I'm a bit worried that her eyeballs are apparently able to wander away from their sockets and ramble around on their own like that. The mental picture is making me queasy, and it can't be healthy for the eyeballs either.

  "this is hopless'" I said carrying on my confersastion With myself.

  Get out of my head! Miss Cleo, is that you?

  "hmmmmmmm" I said reading my e-mail/ "Junk...." I said throwing it away.

  Uncanny! That's exactly what I said and did when I was given this assignment. Not that it helped any.

  "Junk......" I said again at a Credit Card offer "nope to young" and then I closed my mailbox. I sighed Nothing new today darn.

  You know, there's a school of thought that says a good story opening should immediately grip the readers and make them want to read further. This author must have attended a different school.

  I was about to turn of my compuet but then... A box appeard on my screen that read "Instant Message from NEO3345 do u wish to recieve it?"

  She types 'no' and then goes to bed, The End. Oh no, sorry, that was just me dreaming aloud. Pity.

  "neo? it can't be" I typed in back it was probibly one if my friends makeing fun of me. "yes" it wrote back simply.

  Yes, it's Neo, or yes, it's one of your friends making fun of you? And why don't I care either way?

  "do you want to know?" it asked again. "I guess....." I wrote back And withought a seconds time passing it said "then look out your window and follow the cat" and then my computer simple turned off.

  So let me see if I've got this straight. A person receives a strange and intriguing message on her computer instructing her to follow an animal and a wild and trippy adventure ensues. I think I saw this in a movie once. Well never let it be said that I turn away from adventure! To cut a short story even shorter, our language challenged narrator is invited to the mall by her friends.

  " Im sorry you guys I dint feal very well you guys go ahead withought me" I said Reluctantly "No! Sammie! Come on you need soemtime to un wind and you NEVER do anything with us anymore!"brooke said impatiently thats when I looked up and saw her shirt. It had a black Cat. "okay i'll go" I answered enthusieastically. After a long and Tediouse Car ride we got to the mall and then my life began to change in so many ways some good, some bad and now here I am.

  The End. No, really this time. I swear, this is where it ends. Thrilling climax, wasn't it? If nothing else I have to admit that it was unexpected, although not, perhaps, in the way I had hoped. You know, I should have trusted my gut instinct. Note to self: If the title's Godawful then everything will probably go downhill from there.

  Lies will trap you but are you sure the truth wont by WildChild

  The title is slightly more correct this time, despite that whole pesky capitalization thing, and apparently the author isn't going to leave us with that pointless non-ending. You know, I can't help but feel a little heartened. Things are looking up. Yep, these are positive signs, and I'm going to go into this installment with an open mind.

  I sat in the food court waiting for my friends to come back. The song "come on over" was playing and being the music freak that I am, I was singing.

  Like the good little Mary Sue that she is. I bet she has perfect pitch, too. But then suddenly, dum dum DUM, Kea- , oops, sorry, Neo is standing there! How exciting!

  "Hello" he said in a calm Monotonous tone. He was tall that's for sure. He was also Buff the only way I can illustrate this is that he had kind of Muscly arms with a six pac

  Yes, well, when even your arms have six packs you know you're buff. Although, what with her autonomous eyeballs and his freakish muscle structure, they kind of make a nice couple.

  "I'm glad your here" he said back and began explaining things to me that made me what to throw up and Cry all at the same time

  That's how I feel right now! I can't believe how well the author is able to get into my head. What a gift.

  "I will contact you again" He said and then I woke up

  No! Not the old "It Was All a Dream" cop out! I can't believe the author sucker punched me like that! I gave her the benefit of the doubt and she led me to this pitiful cliche of an ending like a lamb to the slaughter. Well, no more, I say. The time for mercy has passed. Bring on the next installment if you will, but you won't catch me unprepared again, Missy.

  lies will trap u but are u sure the truth wont too by WildChild

  Ah, note that we've returned to the original title although no capital letters appear to have made it this far. Not that I can blame them for not wanting to be associated with this story. This chapter is just a single, short paragraph, so let's just jump in and get it over and done with so we can go and have a stiff drink, what do you say? The capital letters are probably saving us a seat at the bar.

  I woke Up the next morning. It was just a dream I thought over and over not wanting to face the harsh reality that would soon become all I knew.

  Dear Author, You want harsh reality? Try reading your story! Preferably before posting it, next time.

  NEO3345 Had sent me something.

  A Cease and Desist letter?

  "he sent me a Virus?" I asked in disbelief

  The Black Death? Sorry. Hope springs eternal.

  Soon the computer began typing with the little green typing in computer manual font all by itself.

  Man, I hate it when that happens. And then, when you try to close the window, there's that stupid pop-up ad trying to sell you web cameras, or viagra, or some damn thing? What a drag.

  Then the phone rang and I thought I'd pass out.

  Hey, don't fight it. I passed out ten minutes ago. I'm actually unconscious as we speak. It's less painful that way.

  "meet me by your school Monday after school and I'll show you the truth," the voice answered then hung up.

  I don't think I can handle the truth at this point, and I'm almost positive that any more fiction of this caliber will finish me off entirely. Please, oh please make it stop. I'm begging you.

  Did i mention im Afriad Of bugs by WildChild

  Great. The title's gotten stupider, but it's still just a continuation of the same damn story. Part of me, the bitchy, bitter part of me, can't help wondering if the author changed the name of the story because too many people got smart and stopped reading lies will trap u but are u sure the truth wont too. I'm just saying.

  I counted Of the seconds till Monday and I knew I would have to suffer through school.

  Now that's just weird. If you count off the seconds from Saturday until Monday then you're stuck counting constantly for two whole days. Constantly. 'Cause you have to count every second, and they come by at one second intervals, you know? So basically you end up sitting there counting to 172,000. Ridiculous. Just for future reference, you might want to count minutes instead. Then you only have to count up to 2880, and you have time to go grab a cookie or something between each number. Or how about just counting hours? You can even squeeze a nap in between each number if you want, and you only have to count up to 48! Just a little free advice, 'cause I'm nice like that.

  Suffer throughout the teachers, The homework, Math, Social studies, and did I mention Math? It's not that I don't like math it's Just the math TEACHER scares me and as you can see I don't get scared easily.

  You know, if I had to make a guess, I'd say the author was drawing on her own personal issues here. Just a vague feeling I get.

  Not after the frightening events that I have went throughout this past week.

  Yeah, all that singing in the Food Court, dreaming about a hunk, and answering the phone can really take it out of a gal. But I digress. Our Heroine is soon picked up by a couple of agents and taken away to a "whit room" where, finally, we get some action.

  One of the agents took out a little glass tube with a bug in it and I really panicked. He took the bug out and they lifted my shirt and put the bug on my stomach. it slipped through my belly button.

  But I'm not going to let a couple of correctly spelled sentences lull me into a false sense of security. This story has burned me before, and I'd be a fool to succumb again. No, not I. I'm girding my loins for the horrors I just know are waiting in the wings.

  Then I woke up and gagged did i mention Im Bugophobic??

  See? I warned you! Yet another freaking dream.

  Lies will trap you....... by WildChild

  Sheesh, even the author's given up. She can't even be bothered to type the full title anymore. Not that it matters. I gave up somewhere around the second paragraph. Of the first chapter.

  I woke up and gagged and cried then I gagged again.

  Hey, the queue forms to my left, Missy. Take a number.

  I thought over and over again about seeking professional help but I knew it was a dream.

  Once again the story mocks my real life. I, too, am thinking about seeking professional help. Of course, I just want to get my hands on some nice, strong meds to help dull the pain of this story.

  The dream hurt.

  Yeah, well if the dream hurts only half as much as reading this story does you might want to break out the codeine. Feel the burn. Feel it, and think of me.

  But it wasn't real it couldn't be real.

  That's been my mantra, lo, these five chapters.

  I was sitting quietly, But in my heart I was screaming and screaming but no one cared no one even noticed.

  Get out of my head, damn you!

  OK, I'm going to drag my thumb out of my mouth and uncurl from the fetal position, just long enough to tell you Morphius phones her. She answers. And the pain continues.

  "look No, I've played this dumb little game of yours and I have gone through the most bad stuff I have gone through in my life. Just forget it I wont be a part of this anymore cause I don't care!" I yelled all in one breath

  I am totally going to find out the author's phone number and scream that little speech down the line at her. Okay, I'm not really, but I so want to, and you know she deserves it. It makes you all warm and fuzzy inside just to imagine it, doesn't it? Mmm, vengeance. Part of my complete breakfast.

  Finally a black car pulled up and Neo opened the door. "get in." He said simply I looked inside the car there were 2 guys (other than Neo) and one girl who was driving. I stared into the car for a long unwavering moment. I couldn't decide to get in or stay out. "Come on." Neo said gently. "Ooh okay." I said going into the car.

  What thrilling complication could arise from this? A car chase? Maybe through a crowded market? Inconveniently placed fruit stands and huge panes of glass being carried across the road at inopportune times? Frantic mothers with runaway baby carriages? Slow-motion bullets choreographed to a thumping rock soundtrack? Phenomenally expensive special effects and ground breaking CGI? Or, and this is going out on a limb, how about a pathetic fizzle of an ending?

  I stepped in quietly and saw Morphius sitting on a chair and I began a Journey that would change everything

  Fizzle it is, then. Well, say what you will, at least this story has been consistent.